I’m not one for New Year’s Resolutions but I do love a good January challenge. This time of year is dark, cold, and gloomy, and I’ve always found comfort in distracting myself with a short-term self improvement scheme. Januaries past have focused on everything from push ups to Portuguese vocabulary words. This year, I’m doing something a little different. Instead of adding something to my to-do list, I’ll be crossing off something that has started my day for over a decade.
Welcome to No Makeup January.
I already quit skincare, which has been easy because it turns out that my skin is just as good (or better!) when my daily routine is just sunscreen in the morning and jojoba oil at night as it was when I did a whole 12 step routine. For the most part, skincare is something your skin doesn’t need.
Makeup is harder. I started wearing makeup everyday in high school, and in college I wouldn’t even go to the dining hall to grab a banana in the morning without at least concealer, foundation, eyeliner, and mascara (on top of my ridiculously complicated skincare regimen). I felt that I had an image to uphold, and worried that my peers would see me without makeup even for 5 minutes would permanently damage my reputation as a hot girl.
For a long time I felt empowered and proud of how skillfully I could conceal, contour, and otherwise alter my face. Makeup was my armor and my proof to myself that I was doing the work which meant that I could be beautiful like the other girls. But the more I wear it, the more I feel myself disappearing into a face that’s not my own.
It’s time for a fresh start.
In the past year, my life has changed in two key ways that have shown me that it’s time to change my relationship with makeup:
1) I quit my office job and now work as an instructor for group exercise classes. I’ve been a client at the studio I now teach at for over a year, and it doesn’t seem weird to show up bare faced because that’s how everyone is used to seeing me. Also, I feel more acutely aware of my role in constructing beauty standards. I know many of my aesthetic choices have been influenced by fitness instructors, and now that I’m in these shoes I want to be comfortable and confident without makeup because I want to live in a world where that is an option.
2) I’ve become more informed about cosmetic ingredients, specifically PFAS. PFAS are a class of chemicals that have been associated with cancer, infertility, asthma, and thyroid disorders. In one study, 82% (!!!) of the waterproof mascaras tested were high in fluorine and contained at least four PFAS compounds of concern. High levels were also prevalent in foundation and liquid lipstick. These products were not labeled as containing PFAS. When I started learning about this I tried to switch to all “natural” products, but honestly because labeling is so bad I don’t feel confident that I’ll actually be able to avoid the nasty stuff and it seems safer to just forego cosmetics entirely.
Maybe someday I will be able to feel the joy of the transformation winged eyeliner once brought me instead of anxiety about if my products are blended well enough and just how many horrifying chemicals I’ve been slathering on my face.
For now, I want to look like me.